The Day The Earl Squashed Valentines Day!
by tragicduck95
Summary: So Valenines day has arrived! So much love in the air, but so many questions! Such as, will Allen get his overly decorated Valentine delivered to Lenalee? What are face tentacles? And why is Kanda not at all in this fanfiction! o Probably because I forgot to add him, but those other questions will be answered! But only if you read...


The Day the Earl Squashed Valentines Day

8D

Allen skipped down the halls of the order cheerfully, wanting to get to his destination as fast as he could. Humming joyously, he made sure not to let go of the piece of paper in his hand. It was a handmade Valentines Day card. He brought it up to his face to look at it again, and as he did, a puff of sparkles hit him in the face. Nothing spoiling his good mood however, he brushed it away and carried on. He had put a lot of time and effort into his card and it was beautiful.

'To: Lenalee, From: Allen' was what it said inside. Allen just knew that this card would win her heart!

Crash! Not paying any attention at all to his path, Allen had run right into Lavi, sending him flying to the floor.

"Gosh, Allen! What's the hurry?" Lavi said, sitting up and rubbing his head.

Allen himself had been knocked to the floor, and was staring up at the ceiling. Suddenly, he sat up and grabbed the card away from Lavi's sight. "Nothing!"

"What's that behind your back?" Lavi grabbed for it, but Allen jumped up and started to run away.

"Nothing!" He repeated again.

Suspicious, Lavi ran after Allen. Allen didn't notice the red head behind him. He just wanted to get to the cafeteria where Lenalee was as soon as possible. After about three minutes of running, both Allen and Lavi were tired and resorted to grudging the rest of the way. "Are you _that _hungry, Allen?" Lavi huffed, "Man, I could go for a drink." Lavi started to walk into the cafeteria, but Allen snatched the back of his shirt and pulled him back.

"Lavi..."

"Geeze, what's your problem!"

"Who...who is that?" Allen's heart was sinking. His entire being was beginning to fall around him, crashing into a pit of darkness and despair. There was Lenalee, sitting at a table with a very handsome man that Allen did not know. Allen grabbed the confused Lavi by his shirt collar and pulled him close. "Who. Is. That!" He repeated.

Lavi screamed in fear. "Um...I think his name is Jacques! He just transferred here a few days ago I think."

Allen dropped Lavi, and stared blankly into space. The only thing going through his head was _Lenalee likes him..._ "I gotta go," Allen said sadly, and he got up to trudge off slowly.

Lavi, now more confused than ever, stood up to comfort his friend. "Wh-what's wrong?"

Allen thought he might as well tell Lavi. "Well...I was going to give this super awesome card to Lenalee, but she loves someone else..."

Surprisingly, Lavi reached up and smacked Allen in the face. "Allen, you-"

Allen immediately smacked him back twice as hard with his left arm, sending him flying towards the wall. After a few seconds, Lavi regained consciousness and sat up to rub his red face. "I was _trying _to snap you back to your senses! You're supposed to say, 'Thanks! I needed that!'"

"Oh...sorry. Thanks," Allen apologized.

"Anyway, you can't let that guy have Lenalee so easily! You gotta fight for love!" Lavi said rather loudly. Both Lenalee and Jacques (and the entire cafeteria) turned to look at him. Allen ducked behind a wall to avoid embarrassment.

He whispered harshly, "Lavi! Quiet down!" Suddenly, Allen could hear Lenalee's voice.

"Ok, well I'll see you later, Jacques."

Allen lunged out, and grabbed Lavi's ankles. He screamed and dug his nails into the floor as Allen dragged him into the darkness of the corner. Just in time, too, for Lenalee was passing by them. But she noticed the claw marks along the floor and followed them to where Lavi and Allen were. She gave them an odd look, as Lavi and Allen were tussling about in the dark corner. Allen waved innocently, and she shook her head and walked on.

"That was close!" Allen said.

Lavi crawled out of the corner, gasping for air. "You're scaring me, Allen!"

"Well hello, gentlemen!" A deep voice suddenly called out to them.

Allen frowned up at the man, who happened to be Jacques.

"I hope that-"

Before Jacques could finnish his sentence, Allen had stood up and was giving him the "I'm watching you!" finger motions. Allen grabbed Lavi's arm and dragged him along.

"Jeeze, Allen! What has gotten into you!"

"Lavi, I don't like that guy! I just know he's up to something!" Allen huffed.

Lavi attempted to break free from Allen's grasp, but some unseen force was giving him strength. "C'mon! He just looks like a regular dude to me! Can you let go of me?"

Allen turned around to look at Jacques. The man was staring after them. Then suddenly, his face turned into a dark mass of wriggling tentacles!

"AHA!" Allen pointed fiercely at him as his face turned to normal. "Did you see that!"

Finally, Lavi was able to free himself. "See what! He's just waving!"

Allen narrowed his eyes, and from the end of the hall, Jacques narrowed his too. _I will reveal you._..Allen thought deviously.

* * *

The next morning, Allen creeped out of his room, fully prepared to take on his new enemy. He held a broom in his right hand, and a Timcampy on a leash in the left. Timcampy thrashed about and tried to gnaw the leash off.

"Shh Timcampy! You're vital to my plans!" Allen tip toed down to his destination, Komui's office. Once at the door, Allen flopped to his belly and did a combat like crawl over to Komui's desk. Luckily, he had not been seen. Komui was cheerfully stapling papers, humming as he went. Suddenly, Allen took his broom and jabbed Komui in the knee, distracting him. As Komui screamed in pain and confusion, Allen quickly grabbed the stapler and took off running, dragging Timcampy behind him.

"Phew! Now that that's over! Onto my next part of the plan!" Allen continued to walk calmly down the hall. Timcampy resorted to smacking Allen in the head repeatedly to try and loosen the leash.

"Quiet Timcampy! Here he comes!" Allen ducked into a nearby closet and threw Timcampy onto the ground.

Jacques was walking nonchalantly down the hall when he spotted Timcampy on a leash flopping around on the floor. Amused and somewhat confused, Jacques bent down to take a closer look. From inside the closet, Allen jerked the leash like a fishing line, bringing Timcampy a little closer to the closet.

"What the..." Jacques scratched his head.

"Raaaaaah!" Allen jumped out of the closet and smacked Jacques over the head with his broom. Once Jacques was on the floor, dazed, Allen took his chance to staple his shirt over and over to the floor. "Ha! Got you!"

"What the hell!" Jacques gave Allen a terrified look. "How did you even staple me to concrete?"

"Silence! I want answers!" Allen screamed at the top of lungs, totally unaware of the crowd of people watching intently. "Who are you, and what do you want with Lenalee!"

Jacques took notice to the crowd, and grimaced at Allen. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

Allen raised the broom again, bristle side up.

"Allen! _What _are you doing!" Allen stopped his broom in mid swing when he heard Lenalee calling to him. "Stop it!"

"L-lenalee! I thought you were going to be gone today!" Allen hid the broom behind his back, like he thought nobody could see it.

"Where did you get that idea? A-anyway, what are you doing to him?"

Allen looked down at Jacques who was grinning at him. "Uh...nothing."

Lenalee crossed her arms. "This doesn't look like nothing!"

"I...uh..."

"Allen Walker! I am sick and tired of your shenanigans!" Lenalee ran towards Allen and gave him a full kick to the stomach, sending him flying over the railing.

"But he's eeeeeeeeeeevviiillll..." Allen screamed as he fell towards the ground level. He could have sworn that Jacques was laughing at him.

* * *

Allen was seething as he held on to the little leash Timcampy was wearing. Somehow the little guy was able to lift Allen up while he flew through the air. "The nerve of that guy! I'm going to find out what he's up to if it's the last thing I do!" Timcampy could no longer hold on, and they both tumbled to the floor.

"Ouch!" Allen rubbed his back. "You did well today Timcampy!" He took hold of the leash and unhooked the angry golem. Once free, Timcampy snapped his jaws around Allen's hand, drawing blood, then sped off. "Yeah! You go find some more information that way! I'll look over here!" Allen wiped his bloody hand on his shirt and got up to pursue his enemy again.

"Hello, Walker!" Allen jumped around and put his hands up in a combat position. He was faced only with Jacques. "Nice to...see you again." He looked rather annoyed.

"I know who you are!" Allen said, hoping his lie would provoke him.

"Really? I thought it might take you longer..." Jacques began to shift and mold into something else. "...to figure it out!"

Allen gasped and jumped back. "T-tyki Mick?" Allen began to flail his arms and run away, but something wrapped around his stomach and pulled him back. He tried to grab onto the wall but he couldn't grasp it, just run his fingernails against it. He was brought up to Tyki by some sort of tentacle growing out of Tyki's forehead.

"You have face tentacles!" Allen screamed.

"That's not important! What is, is you not getting in the way of my deviously intelligent plans anymore!" Tyki threw Allen up to the ceiling and glued him to it with some sort of gooey slime.

"Get me down from here!" Allen scratched at the substance.

"No!" Tyki blew rasberries at him like a little kid and ran away laughing, changing back into Jacques.

"Nooooo! Lenaleeeeee!" Allen cried. He wriggled a bit, but finally gave up and hung from the ceiling like a limp leaf. Out of the corner of his eye, Allen spotted a little yellow sphere creep around the corner. "Timcampy! Come're buddy!" Timcampy flew over to Allen and sniffed the substance that was keeping Allen to the ceiling. He licked it once, and began to gnaw at it. Every bite he took, Timcampy began to grow a little.

"Right Timcampy! Chew! Chew away and become my trusty steed! Mwahahaha!"

* * *

Lenalee and Jacques strolled down the hall toward the cafeteria, hand in hand.

"Jacques, I'm really sorry about my friend, Allen. I don't know what got into him!" Lenalee rubbed her forehead.

Jacques smiled sweetly. "Oh it's fine. I'm sure he didn't mean it."

The both stopped when Lenalee sped up to get in front of Jacques. "I'm really glad I met you."

"Me too." Jacques leaned down to give her a quick kiss.

"Hey Lenalee! Have you seen-" Lavi came running around the corner, interrupting the kiss.

When Lenalee turned her head to see Lavi, Jacques ended up kissing the air. He growled a little bit, then unleashed his tentacles! He grabbed Lenalee by the face and shook her about. "I'm getting tired of you exorcists! Time for you all to die!"

Lavi squealed in horror as he watched his friend being thrashed around in the air by mystical tentacles.

"Lavi, heeeelllp!" Lenalee managed to get out.

Lavi snapped to his senses and brought out his hammer. "Take this you- hurblubluer!"

Tyki had grabbed Lavi by the face as well and was banging the two together in the air. "Hahaha! You are nothing against my face tentacles!"

Just when all thought that hope was lost, there arose a cry, "Yeeeeehhhaaaaaw!" Allen came crashing through the wall, riding a ridiculous sized Timcampy into the room. There was no way for Tyki to respond before Timcampy rammed right into him, sending his face tentacles recoiling. Both Lavi and Lenalee were thrown to the ground.

Allen jumped off Timcampy and faced his friends triumphantly. He looked at Lenalee who was staring at him with guilt on her face. "It's ok Lenalee. Even though I was right...and he's Tyki and he has face tentacles...I still want to give you this." Allen pulled his valentine covered in sparkles out of his back pocket and handed it to her.

She took it, and read it. She had tears in her eyes. "Oh, Allen. I'm so sorry!" She got up to give him a hug, but Allen stopped her.

"No. I have something to take care of first." He turned around and faced Tyki again. He held up his hands and began to speak in a tongue none of them had ever heard before. Suddenly, the air around them turned dark, and a vicious hole of flames and agony opened up in the floor. A skeleton hand emerged from the hole and grabbed Tyki. It grabbed him screaming to the depths! Then the hole closed and the world was back to normal.

Allen turned back to Lenalee. "I'll take the hug now."

Lenalee ran and jumped into his arms, and the two skipped off happily, leaving a trail of sparkles from Allen's over decorated Valentine.

Lavi was left alone to gawk and wonder what the hell had just happened. "D-did nobody else just see that? What just happened? Hello? Helloooooo?"

* * *

Back at the Noah's domain, a fiery hole opened up and spat Tyki at the Earl. He hit the Earl's fat tummy and bounced off, hitting the far wall.

"So...I see our plan failed." The Earl crossed his fingers. "But that's ok. There's always next year...yes. Next year it is. We will obtain the exorcists' overly decorated valentines...and their souls! Mwahahahahaaaaa!"

* * *

LOL so uh...this might be the weirdest one yet...hm. I thought it was funny. XD Please tell me what you think! Sorry it's so out there, but I was going for random. So please review! ;D


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